anyway...
My district has a comprehensive induction (new teacher) program that takes us through our first 4 years in the district - aka until we get tenure. We attend monthly meetings about best practices, technology, the new evaluation model, etc. The program started with 2 days of meetings for the 25 newly hired teachers - a lot for a little district! During these meetings, I went between feeling lucky that I knew a lot of the information already and feeling lost and overwhelmed. I've been reflecting on that as I prepare for the students to come to school tomorrow and I think it's revealed interesting things worth sharing. Hopefully you, my loyal readers, can get something from this post as well.
While we were hearing an overview of the new observation and evaluation model (which hasn't been used in the district yet so the administrators have questions about it too), I felt like I had a pretty good grasp on it and wasn't stressed out like some of my colleagues. Maybe it's because I already heard all of the freaking out in my last district? But when it was time to discuss curriculum, that's when my anxiety started to come into play. I have no set curriculum for any of my classes which is definitely a blessing and a curse. Blessing - I get to pick what I do every step of the way in my general music class and in ensembles. Curse - I have to figure out everything for my general music class soon! This mixture of questioning and confidence (actually "Questioning and Confidence" would have made a good blog title...) kind of makes me feel good. As a musician, I am inherently critical of myself because I've had to be for my entire musical life - always pushing myself to be better. That striving for excellence can sometimes make me feel like I'm not succeeding as a teacher/performer...but that feeling lets me know in my heart that I am working and I do care, regardless of how my head perceives it. When you worry about something it shows you care, so always worry about teaching.
In my first year I learned practical things, like how to use Genesis (an online database where we submit grades, attendance, and starting in January will also host our lesson plans), but I still need to work on figuring out grading schemes. Being that I don't know exactly what my general music class will look like until I do a start of year assessment with the kids, I can't tell what the grading breakdown will be. Grading is something that is always challenging, from what I'm gathering. There are always rubrics to be written (which I actually think is fun) and always new methods of assessment to try out that will shape how grading is done and calculated. I only had to figure out a couple of my own assignments in my last position, but that was basically deciding what category of the already-in-place grading scheme to put them. So I guess nothing in undergrad can really fully prepare you for the first year of having to hash that all out yourself from stratch.
And now I will shortly sum up some of the other things I learned versus what still has a floating question mark above my head.
:) - confidence with kids
:/ - confindence when presenting and defending my pullout lesson schedule (more on this later, as it will be a pervasive issue in my first month)
:) - confidence planning
:/ - what am I teaching them?!
:) - picking pieces for band
:/ - picking pieces for a band I know nothing about
:) - teaching chorus
:/ - the changing male voice!!
:) - I know I have resources in my parents, friends, and colleagues
:/ - There's nothing that will make me question that fact - I just have to swallow my pride and not be afraid to ask!
I've been "inside my head" about these things so much lately that I'm excited to jump in with kids. Soon I won't be able to stress about finding out what the kids know and I'll get into the real nitty gritty planning stages. I'm excited to meet my students and work on a relationship with the staff because I'm not sure I got off on a good foot with my colleagues today. Let me just say as a cautionary phrase to anyone in any job - be cognizant of being "that guy" who is super resistant to change. In schools, we collaborate for greater student learning and with collaboration comes compromise. Keep your mind open when someone pitches an idea and remember that not every new thing is scary, not every new thing is permanent, and not every new thing is going to mess up your good old thing.
Here's to a new school year with new students and new problems (but good problems!) Keep on worrying, teacher friends.
