Concerts and Being Let Go

I would like to preface this post by saying that I haven't gotten stress pimples in a long time...until now. But it was worth it. Please do read on, now that the hygiene comments are out of the way.

night of jazz

As I mentioned in my last post, on April 3rd there was a district-wide Night of Jazz which my jazz lab ensemble was part of.  There was very little time for the band on stage, but we were able to run every piece and check balance.  When it was finally time to line up to get on stage for the performance, I had the students in the hallway outside the stage door.  I had never been so frustrated at students ever (until the next Tuesday...more on that in the next section). I calmly asked them to be quiet because there was only a stage door separating them from the audience. Nope. Didn't work.  So then I went to whisper-yelling because it has always been an effective way to strike fear in my heart. I said something along the lines of "I know that your prefrontal cortex is not fully formed yet and it's difficult for you to decide what's right and wrong and what you should or shouldn't do, but right now you should be quiet."  That stifled their conversation for about one minute, then when they stopped concentrating on the fact that they didn't know what a prefrontal cortext was, it was back to normal.  I don't like yelling; I have a really loud voice but I don't like having to use it (remember this for the next paragraph). The overall logistics of the Night of Jazz went smoothly.  5 groups performed and it was only about 2 hours.  All of the kids played really well, especially considering it was the week after spring break!

junior high school spring concert

Our Spring Concert was exactly a week after the jazz concert- April 10th. The two sections of the  8th grade band (and the two sections of 9th grade band but those aren't my students) don't get to meet as a whole until the week of the concert.  My combined rehearsal was scheduled for the day before the concert - Tuesday April 9 - and I was looking forward to hearing the whole 110 piece band together for the first time.  We had 2 periods - about 80 minutes - to work on the pieces, talk logistics for the night of the concert, and to run everything.  I expected to feel uplifted and optimistic after those 80 minutes. Instead, after the kids left I silently stared at my computer screen for a good 5 minutes, contemplating whether or not to cry and just generally thinking "clakdfmspoidfupigjlkj". Three things that didn't help my classroom management efforts were a) it was the first hot day of the year and all the kids were wearing shorts, thus making their brains think "Summer! No more focusing!" b) it was about 90 degrees in the band room c) the kids were excited to see their friends from the other class.  I had to raise my voice and be the "bad guy" way more than I wanted to be. I always like to feel like I'm honest and acting like myself when I'm in front of kids; students of any age can see through you if you're being phony so I strive to have a good relationship with my pupils.  I didn't feel like me when I was yelling and being so stern.  Thank goodness the other band director was in the room to help quiet kids down, get them extra copies of music, and take care of the 3 suddenly broken instruments.  When it was all said and done, I felt bad for treating the kids how I did and felt like I was an ineffective teacher for those 80 minutes.   
On the night of the concert, I had the 8th graders report to the lunch room 45 minutes before the concert started.  It takes waaaay longer to tune 110 kids than one would think, especially when they can't hear you announce that it's time to tune because there are also 90some ninth graders in the same space also playing and talking. My supervisor got me a microphone so the kiddos could hear me a little better, which was really helpful.  The students played very well and I was way more relaxed for this concert than I was for the jazz band concert and way way more relaxed than I was for my one piece when I was student teaching.  The 9th grade percussion ensemble also played really well for me.  I was very happy when it was all over.  

getting my sixty day notice

So going back to how I felt terrible after my rehearsal on Tuesday...I took the time that day to make concert reflection sheets for the kids to do when I would be absent on Thursday for an interview (more on that in a future post).  I left the band room to make photocopies of the reflection sheet and of course half-way through, the photocopier was convinced it was jammed although there was no jam, so I was gone longer than I expected.  That didn't help my daily upset-ed-ness level.  When I got back to the band room, I felt like having no human interaction. However, that plan was thwarted by the fact that the principal was in the room aaaand he was there to see me.  He wanted to go into my office to chat. Great - he must have heard that I yelled at one student in front of everyone and now I'm in trouble. The conversation went something like this. "Am I in trouble?" "No!" "Oh good!" "But I'm here to give you your sixty day notice." "...lolwat?"  

When you're in a leave replacement position, the district has to let you know that you won't be returning with the same contract, so they give you your 60 days.  However, when one has had a trying day and feels that one is an inadequate teacher, one does not want to hear "here's your sixty days!" It's kinda funny in retrospect.  

Overall, I feel good about the concert! I look forward to the rest of the year when we get to work on improvisation, composition, and small ensemble pieces.