Blah

Two posts in one week? Crazy, I know. SPOILERS: If you want to know the theme of this blog, just take a sec and look at the tags at the bottom. 

Yeah.

I've been thinking a lot about what the future holds and why it's so upsetting to me that I might not have a job next year.  I ended my last post with this semi-optimistic statement - "But at least my fiance has a job and at least I can leave this position knowing that I did a good job in the time I was there."  Well I think that the problem with that statement is that I can't just leave my current position with the confidence and knowledge that comes with being told my multiple people that you do a good job. (That last sentence sounded cocky. Whatever.) I think it's in the human condition to want to be better and to improve as much as possible. If I was not "in to" teaching, hated it, or was doing a bad job then maybe I wouldn't get sick at the thought of not teaching. However I know I'm pretty good at teaching and this year has shown me that I was meant to teach.  The money stuff will sort itself out because based on the budget my fiance and I did, we can survive on his salary alone.  That's great for the future if I want to stay home with kids (way down the road) or in case something happens and I can't work, but right now I actually want to work.  It's really hard to stay positive and keep my situation in perspective with the "everything happens for a reason attitude" that I usually have but I have to stay focused on the day-to-day things I can control such as finishing writing my class final and learning to use a Scantron machine (which I'm actually really excited about). Still...about once a day I get a terrible sinking feeling that I'll be unemployed which doesn't help mitigate the stresses of moving and getting married. This is going to sound either nerdy or lame or whatever, but all I've ever wanted to do - minus when I was a in elementary school and wanted to be a comedian - is teach music.  Teaching music is my dream job.  Even on the worst days when the kids are being difficult, I still end that class knowing that this is what I want to do.  I think the other thing that is frustrating is that many job interviews might not happen until July (please...not during my honeymoon pleeeeeease) so there's no telling when this poopy feeling will end.  

So that's where I'm at - just trying to stay above the blah feeling.  

But All You Need is Faith...

...and hope will bring a brighter day. 
And every time you love
Let it lift someone else up." - Mae 

The above quote is from a song by one of my favorite bands, Mae.  It sums up something I've been thinking about a lot - faith.  Yes, faith is something we hear about a lot in a religious context, but it was a theme in the Presidential Inauguration and it has been on my mind in terms of faith in myself.  In most of my posts, I have been focused on reflecting on my specific situation as a music teacher in hopes of reaching out to others in my position or people who are embarking on a life as a music teacher.  In this post, the theme of faith is something that we all as humans can look to to help improve our outlook (robots/computers/non-humans need not continue reading).

If you went to college at any point and for any amount of time, realize that you were accepted because that institution had faith that you would continue the hard work you put in during high school.  If you were ever hired for a job, realize that you were hired because the employer saw something special in you and had faith that you would be able to fulfill the duties of the position.  When you were a child, the person that potty trained you believed that you would remember how to use indoor plumbing and had faith you would take this next step to growing up. Okay, that last one wasn't the best example, so let's go back to the second point - that you were hired because the employer saw something special in you and had faith you would be able to fulfill the duties of the position. 

It's hard when you aren't in your dream job - or maybe not in anything close to the dream job - to feel great about your work performance.  When any kind of doubt kicks in because of deadlines or because of trying to live up to the expectations of the position, it can bring down not only your mood but bring down those you work with.  If you continue to think about keeping the faith, treating the job as though you love it (even though you really might not!) and love the people you work with, it makes life a lot more enjoyable.  Not many people stay in one job forever so don't look at each day with dread but with faith that each and every work experience will add to either a) your hilarious "you can't make this stuff up" stories b) the thickness of your skin or c) the chances you'll get that job you really want in the future.  Choose your own adventure, my friends. But remember to keep the faith that you do have skills, that you will get a great job down the line, and maybe what looks bleak today will turn out to be great in the end! 

I hope that I remember the wise words of this post later...

Ta Ta Ti Ti Ta

Hello again, world! So. A lot has happened since my last post.  I'll try to break it down.

You Bettah Werk.

I've always been goal-oriented and have accomplished almost everything I've set my mind to.  I worked incredibly hard during my undergrad to prepare myself to be the best music teacher I could be when I was let into the real world.  Also, in general, I like to be in control (or at least feel like I'm in control) of my situations.  So I thought that I was setting myself up for success and putting myself somewhat in control of my job search with my hard work. Nope.  By the time September rolled around, I still had no job.  I kept not getting jobs for reasons I never really considered - I wasn't a percussionist, I wasn't a vocalist, I wasn't a brass player, I didn't have experience.  I have always considered myself a well-rounded musician - I have decent piano chops (although I'm not as good as I was when I was 14...), I have a pretty extensive choral music performance background having sung in choirs since I was in 4th grade, I have solo singing experience as a cantor, I'm a good doubler, and I'm really modest.  I'm a good young teacher and, minus the phase in my life when I wanted to be a comedian, teaching is all I've wanted to do.  So when I had no job for legitimate but hard to swallow reasons, it was crushing and made me question pretty much all of my musical life.  It was horrible and I felt really down and out. I know I know, I've heard it a million times and I really do believe it, but when you're in a bad place, it's hard to keep your mind on the idea that everything happens for a reason. 

A New Job (or is it pronounced yob...maybe it's a soft J), A New Identity.

One of the districts where I interviewed had a maternity leave position and since the supervisor was impressed with my teaching and interview the first time, he interviewed me for this position.  It's a part-time (noon - 3:15 every day!) kindergarten and first grade general music job across 4 elementary schools.  I was hired on Tuesday, went to a department-wide in-service day on Wednesday, and taught on Thursday.  It was a really fast turn-around which meant I missed the new teacher orientation day. I didn't know in which rooms I was teaching until I got to each school the day of my classes because I didn't have time in the preceding days to visit each building. I still don't have access to my school email, the online district resources, the class lists, the grading system, haven't signed my contract, or been board approved.

All things considered, the first two days are all I've done so far and I think I'm doing okay! I like the little ones, but I've never taught them music, having not student taught with that age group.  You can't bargain with them; saying "Boys and girls, we have to be able to accomplish this task and listen to our directions or else we can't have fun with the next music game" doesn't go over as well with them as it does with middle/high school kids.  But laying down the rules - using ta ta ti ti ta to get attention, being quiet before entering the room, using a quiet raised hand, etc. seems to have worked so far.  Things that are making me feel better when I start to worry that college has not prepared me for this? Remembering that this is the first year this district is having full day kindergarten means that NONE of my students (K or 1st) have had any in-school music class.  It makes for easier lesson planning thus far because the K and 1st have the same objectives.  One thing that is less in my control is my teaching space.  I was unaware, because of the aforementioned reasons, that I was teaching some kindergartens in their rooms, some in the instrumental music room, some in the general music room. However, I made sure to cover my bases and I planned for the whole first lesson to be a cappella so that I could accomplish my objectives regardless of a CD player, piano, board, or Orff instruments.  I'm looking forward to collaborating more with my mentor teacher and the other K and 1 teachers in the schools I'm at.  I know that even though I only had my one general music methods course, my musical sense will guide me through this phase of my teaching life.  I feel like I'm going to learn more about general music and teaching in general from doing it even part-time then I would have from student teaching for 7 weeks.  I'll check back in with you, my adoring public, after my first full week.  

As for my identity, a funny anecdote.  My fiance and I joined the church choir at the parish we now belong to and Thursday was our first rehearsal.  I asked the choir director what he wanted me to sing because I could do church soprano (aka not super high) or alto (or honestly church tenor because it's not super low and practically alto II range but I didn't mention that because this choir actually has men).  He said soprano because this group has a lot of altos. Thursday was also the first day of school, so in one day, I became 2 things that I pretty much didn't think I'd be at this point in my life - a general music teacher and a soprano.